An eternal nightmare

She silently slipped into the bathroom, the knife tightly held in her hand, and locked the door, willing the tears not to come. She raised her arm, felt the cold metal touch her skin, and brought it down in a meaningful stroke. It formed an nasty wheal across her wrist.

She inhaled deeply, and tried again.

Harder. Deeper.

This time she drew blood, her hand stinging as the blade slipped and fell onto the floor. She bit her lips in pain, craving more, willing the agony to choke her from within.

***

(A week ago)

"Dude, dude, calm down!! People would think you've never seen a car in your life!" she laughed, as her brother squealed in happiness at the sight of the car.

"Are you sure you're not coming?", her aunt asked, checking for flaws in her make-up in the rear-view mirror.

"I'd love to, but I've got some project work to do. Besides...Good lord, would you remain still for half a minute so I can buckle you up?"

He replied with chuckles, banging on the side of his baby seat, enjoying the fact that he could produce sounds that way.

"We'll be back in an hour. Do you want anything?", her mother asked, getting in. "And who adjusted the rear-view mirror?"

"No idea," she said, rolling her eyes at her aunt. "And you have fun, buddy. I'll arrange the magnets on the fridge so you can mess them up later."

Her mother laughed. Her brother extended his hands toward her, she smiled, stepped out of the car, and closed the door. As realization dawned on him that she was not coming along, a puzzled expression spread over his face, and then as her mother started the car, he waved at her, visibly disappointed.

*

2 hours later, irritated that they weren't back, she picked up her mobile and speed-dialed her mother.

Someone answered. No one spoke. She knew immediately that there was something wrong. Very wrong.

"Mom?", she said, trying not to panic.

Amidst sobs and gasps, her mother tried to explain what had happened. Something about a drink truck driver, wrong side of the road, blah blah blah. But she didn't care anymore about what had happened. Only one thing was on her mind.

"How's my brother?"

Silence.

"I asked you a question! Answer me, damn it! How. Is. He?"

And the world, as she knew it, ceased to exist.

With every word that she heard, her grip on the phone tightened, bile rose up in her throat, her stomach twisted into knots, tears stung her eyes; as her world crashed around her. She screamed, but no voice came out. She stood there as though petrified, and without warning, collapsed on the floor, gasping for breath, wanting to die.

***

As drops of blood fell onto the marble floor, she glanced at the tear-stricken face in the mirror, a ghost of its former self, and realized that compared to the pain she was suffering, any weapon, however brutal, would be a pathetic diversion.

Her sole reason for existence had been cruelly snatched away from her. And that punishment, she would endure forever.